Laymen’s Rules for Good Beer

Bush, Miller and Michelob are still the most famous beers in America, however there is a growing trend of people who are looking for something more from their beer. Beer is no longer simply the beverage of Sunday afternoon football and drunken frat parties of mass quantities. Beer is now being seen as a meal in itself, much like the connoisseurs of Wine view their indulgence. But for those who have only known PBR the task may seem daunting, Pale Ales, Doppel Bocks, Trappists, IPA’s… the list goes on, so I have made a simplified list that may help those who wish to start drinking good beer but just don’t know where to start.

1. If you’ve never heard of it, or never had it, try it.

The first rule of discovering the wonderful world of beer is to try out as many as you can. I generally like to start with things that you can find anywhere, that way I have a base knowledge of different beers whenever I go out someplace and it gives me a good point of reference. Your local grocery store will surely have something you have not had before so give it a try, a good place to begin is to simply pick up something that has a different color than the yellow stuff you have always had. Try something brown or orange or black, there is a reason why they are that tone and it’s not because of food coloring, the reasons why can be known later, right now just try out a base of beer, you will like some and hate some but it will be an experience none the less.

2. If you can’t pronounce it, it’s good.

It may be intimidating but that bottle of Hustenfortwiebelwiessen is the good stuff. This rule may sound snobbish but our German, Belgian and European brothers have been making beer for a lot longer than anyone in America has, heck it’s not uncommon to find a beer who’s recipe is still being bottled that has been around longer than our country has. Americans can do some things great, like making firearms and rock n roll, but for beer I have to admit who is better at it. Now there are some micro brews and other anomalies in the US that have a great drink, but for the beginner this is a good place to start. And if you are worried that you wont say it right, it’s okay, you can just point at it, chances are the waiter doesn’t know how to say it either.

3. If it has a monk on the label, then it’s also good.

This applies to Saints, Popes and other religious symbols as well. The fact is, as a friend of mine has pointed out many times before, the best beers are made by Christians. In fact many monasteries in the middle ages were breweries as well, as it helped the monks cope with their fasts. Beer has been around sense almost the beginning of civilization, the Christians, however, made it an art form. Perhaps that is why beer in America can be so bland, because our Christians have abandoned it as a sinful vice to secular industries. So Just remember if you see a nice fat man in a brown robe smiling at you, go ahead and give it a try.

Hopefully this will help some people to step outside of the same old beers and try something a bit more adventurous. I’ve had beers taste so much like vinager that I couldn’t finish it, I’ve had beers that poor out like ink, and I’ve had beers that were so flavorful that it made others seem like colored water. You may find some duds out there but more than not I have been surprised at the variety and enjoyment that I have gotten from beers all around the world. In the end just remember the wise words of Benjamin Franklin “Beer is proof the God loves us and wants us to be happy.”